68

Reflections on my 68^th Birthday

  I can’t believe I’m that old. Sure, I feel every bit of it. But sometimes I feel like I’ve floated through this life like a butterfly on a summer breeze. And it was only yesterday when I left the cocoon. Then again it seems like half the stuff I remember happened to someone else. I’m not that person anymore, and there are serious things I really regret. It’s almost hard for me to believe I was born in the forties (well the end of them anyway). I grew up during the famous “Happy Days”. Do you realize how different things were back then from what’s going on today? Just to really bring it home, we didn’t even have TV! I remember when the first family on the block got a TV. Suddenly everyone wanted to be that little girl’s friend so we could go over and watch it. And it was all of two channels in black and white. Woo Hoo!

  The first president I remember was Dwight Eisenhower. I remember sock hops, car hops, and pinball machines. We never locked our doors and the windows stayed open all night in the summer time…no AC…just an attic fan. No AC at school either. I know you people up north are used to that, but in Southeast Texas in the summer we’re talking hot and duct tape humidity (very sticky)! Phones were huge and heavy, and there was a party line in the neighborhood. You often had to wait for a neighbor to get off the line so you could make a call. Not that we kids called anyone. Who you gonna call? All your best buds lived right there in the neighborhood. You just knocked and said, “Can Johnny come out and play?” Baseball games and football games were on just about every day in the summer and most evenings after school too.

  I remember the first transistor radio I got. Such an amazing thing and so small. I used to lay on my top bunk at night listening to music and marveling at it. And the radio station I listened to was one of the few AM stations in town…KOLE and they called it King Kole. It played a variety of music. There wasn’t a separate station for each genre like there is now. And FM radio? No that was future tech. Little did I know then that the techno age was just about to bust loose. The biggest difference from back then to now, I think, was people were more respectful and less fearful of the future. I look at society today, and it almost makes me cry to see what we’ve lost over the years. We all grew up with a sense of community then that is all but gone today. I don’t even know most of my neighbors now, and they seem to prefer it that way. Speaking of music…that whole British Invasion thing really made an impression on me. I loved Elvis, but he had to move over when the Beatles hit the scene. I remember my step-father saying that they wore wigs because a man couldn’t grow his hair that long. It just wasn’t natural. We all started growing ours to prove him wrong. He hated that.

  I remember watching the nightly news on our brand new round screen black and white TV and it was just the news. No opinions, no arguing, no talking over each other. Walter Cronkite was the man back then. But I usually missed that anyway, because my step-father insisted we get all our homework done before watching TV. School was mostly torture to me. I was so terribly shy. And I started really being attracted to girls in the fourth grade. But I could never get up the nerve to actually talk to one. So, crushes usually ended up crushing me because the girl of my dreams always got scooped up by some brainless jock. I have very few memories of elementary school. Either it was too traumatic for me to remember or that uneventful. I always made good grades without halfway trying. I was always reading and learning…I just wasn’t interested in what they wanted us to read and learn. High school was pure hell for me, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

  I went on my first date when I was a senior. My two best friends conspired with a girl that had her eye on me and tricked me into going to a dance with them. Bad news was, I didn’t know how to dance. But I somehow survived high school and got a job after graduation to hold me over until I left for the military. The plan was to go into the Air Force. That didn’t work out so well, because of the draft notice I got on my 19^th birthday. So, it was the ground pounding Army for me all the way for the next four years. This was during the height of the Vietnam war, so exciting times. I lucked out, though, and spent 2 years in the Republic of Panama instead. That allowed me to come home and marry the girl of my dreams (yeah I finally managed to dream the right dream!). I was 20 years old when Linda and I got married and I was still a virgin up until our wedding night. How many people can say that these days? Different times indeed.

  After having two beautiful kids and landing a great job at one of the local refineries, I thought I was on track to accomplish all my dreams. For a little icing on the cake and to use Uncle Sam’s GI Bill, I decide to also go to college. I did well in college. But it was like a circus juggler that just gets one too many plates spinning on the end of those sticks. It all came tumbling down. My life was a very traumatic roller coaster ride from that point on. I’m sure you can get the gist of it from some of the previous articles I’ve written here on this blog. So I won’t go into all that.

  But my how times have changed. People are angry so much more now. And I tend to think it’s more from a deep-seated fear brought on by our sense of impending doom. Is there doom and gloom waiting around the corner? I don’t know, but I’m not worried. One other thing that’s changed in all this time, is that I’ve discovered a deep faith and trust in God. Once I came to my faith, I didn’t change completely overnight. It was a slow, steady process. But without this transformation, I know I would not be celebrating a 68^th birthday at all. Loved ones have come and gone. I have loved them all deeply and with all my heart. Most of the older generation of my family is gone now, and it’s shocking for me to realize that I’m now the older generation. How did such a thing sneak up on me like that? Time – the ultimate school teacher. You can learn a lot given enough time, and you just pay attention. The problem with Time though is eventually, she kills all her students.

  My message to the younger generation…pay attention. Learn all you can. Learn to roll with the punches. Don’t worry so much. Tomorrow always takes care of itself. Don’t count God out of the equation. You can find Him simply by looking into the deeper mysteries of religion or science (yes science will get you there, but you have to look deep into it and be honest). Don’t fall for what passes as Religion or get caught up in the Religion of Science. Once Jesus (the best friend you always wished you had) begins to walk beside you, all that other nonsense begins to fall by the wayside. And the most important lesson of all…don’t lay up all your treasures here on Earth. You can’t take them with you. Anything you can stack one on top of another is worthless in the long run, including money. Love and memories go with you always. And your good deeds you will wear as clothing in paradise. May all of you that haven’t yet, live to see your 68^th Birthday with a smile on your face as I have. And for the younger generations – keep your arms and legs inside, seat belts buckled up, and enjoy the ride.  

World of Destiny: Obligated to Explain My Own Crisis of...

World of Destiny: Obligated to Explain My Own  Crisis of...: Obligated to Explain My Own  Crisis of Faith   There are usually two times when you experience a crisis in faith. The first ...

Obligated to Explain My Own
 Crisis of Faith

  There are usually two times when you experience a crisis in faith. The first is when you first realize that it is all you can do to find meaning in life. You must choose to live by faith alone. The universe is not set up for you to be able to know without a doubt all its truths. And let me make it clear that I’m not just talking about religious faith here. Either way, you go is going to require a leap of faith. You cannot unequivocally know without a doubt that there is no God, and neither can you know without a doubt that there is. God set it up that way on purpose so you would have to choose to love him by faith that he exists without the proof of it. To believe the opposite requires faith as well. No, science has no way to prove there is no God no matter how much they wish it to be so. When I finally had to admit to that fact is when I had my first crisis of faith. I had put all my faith into believing that science could show me the way and the truth about life. And that I personally could come to that knowledge via my own intellect. I was devastated when I was proven wrong. I could not get there on my own. And science, with all their accumulated intellects, could not get there either.

  Of course, I could have done like so many others do and just refused to think about it anymore. I could have submerged myself in day-to-day things and forgotten about the meaning of life or worry about whether there was a creator of everything. Well, theoretically I could have done that anyway. But I guess I’m just not that person. For several months, I was in crisis mode. I felt like I had come unglued from reality. So, I had to go that extra mile no matter how hard it seemed to me at the time.

  You see, all my Christian friends had always quoted John 3:16 to me and assured me that all I needed was to have faith. To me that was nonsense. How could you have faith in something that you had already established you didn’t believe without proof. And, furthermore, how could I have faith when I had already discovered there was no proof forthcoming and there may never be any proof. Not possible, my mind screamed at me. I had read the Bible and many other religious teachings. I knew what they said was required to have faith. But I didn’t know how to do that. I was so conflicted at this point, that I nearly gave up on life altogether. I turned to drinking hoping to make it all go away. But it didn’t. The crisis drove me further and further into despair. And I became further and further away from any kind of resolution to the crisis I was in. After a few years of this self-destructive behavior, I ended up in the hospital not once but twice within a six-month period. My doctor told me I would die if I didn’t change my lifestyle and soon. Of course, I blamed my divorce for a lot of this. But deep down, I knew there was more to it than that. My divorce was yet another symptom and not the cause of the turmoil that was raging within me.

  I listened to my doctor, finally, and quit drinking. Shortly after that, I moved to Tennessee. In Nashville, I started watching a certain preacher on TV who had a unique perspective on the Bible. I had to do so when my wife was not around because she didn’t want to hear any of it. She had rejected religion a long time ago and was not willing to discuss it at all. But this preacher answered so many questions that I had always had about things that bothered me about the Bible. So, one day, this all came to a head for me. I couldn’t stand beating myself up about it any longer. I decided to do a little experiment (yep, old habits die hard) and just suspend the brain and engage the heart. I wanted Jesus in my life because I had seen the difference belief made in some of my friend’s lives. I wanted what they had. So, I prayed. I threw open the doorway to my heart, and I kept telling my brain to shut the hell up.

  This next bit is the part that everyone always has trouble describing. Until you experience it for yourself, you will remain skeptical. But this is how it was for me. I opened the door and He came in. No, it was not just wishful thinking and self-delusion. I’m very familiar with those things and this wasn’t it. The door didn’t just open, it burst in. Immediately, I was flooded with such a feeling of love and understanding that I found myself crying uncontrollably. There were two kinds of tears. One of complete joy that I had rediscovered Him at last. The other of sadness that it had taken me so long.  And I say rediscovered because I realized that He was there all along. And also, that I knew Him before. I was at home at last. The first part is very emotional. But then, His peace embraced me. It is a peace that washes away all your doubts and fears. It is the most powerful moment in my life. And it changed me forever.

  Was I made perfect at this moment? No way. Was my relationship perfect at this moment. No way again. Like any other human relationship it takes time and requires work in order to grow or it will wither on the vine and die. But I was patient and willing to work at it. I never wanted to be in a crisis like that again. Some people get on fire for God at this point and then burn out quickly. My walk with God has been slow and steady. I still have a long way to go.

  For many, the next crisis in faith comes when they are tested. Sometimes, it’s just the realization that you are swimming upstream while everyone else around you is going the other way. Peer pressure can be a terrible thing. Satan is the perfect example of this. “Surely you will not die. You will gain knowledge and be like Gods. Don’t you want to be like everyone else?” he asks. Many of your so-called friends will do the same thing to you. They will ask, “Why do you deny yourself so many simple pleasures? I’ve done it and it hasn’t hurt me. You will still be the same person tomorrow as you are today. Go on. Try it.” Under constant pressure like this, many people cave. Broad is the path to destruction.

  Another major test that causes a crisis of faith is when something truly tragic happens in your life. It can be triggered by a betrayal from a loved one or respected preacher, teacher, or friend. But for most of us, that tragedy occurs when someone we love dies. I’ve seen many who have struggled or lost their faith altogether when this happens. The first question they ask is always, “Why God? Why did you let this happen?” Unable to cope with the tragedy, they blame God for it. I’ve been through this twice, so I know a little bit about what I’m speaking of here. Grief is a hard thing to deal with. Always in the back of my mind, though, I remind myself that God is love. He doesn’t make bad things happen to people. But he did set up the universe in such a way as to give us free will. To maintain that, he cannot allow himself to reach in and control every aspect of life to make it perfect. Doing so would provide the proof of his existence and deny free will which enables you to choose to come to Him in love by your own choice. That is the purpose of life.

  When a loved one does meet with what seems, and is, totally tragic to those left behind, remember that, if they are judged righteous by God(and all that takes is a little faith in Him), they are with Him. They are home. It is ok for you to miss them. But after the initial grief of their passing from us, we should rejoice for they are with the Lord. As Christians, it is the ultimate goal for any of us. And it is pretty selfish to prefer them to be here with us rather than in the arms of their Creator who loves them so much more. In reality, the rest of your life is only an eyeblink in time. If you remain true to your faith, you will be with them again soon enough. And this time it will be forever.

  So to my way of thinking, the first crisis in faith is a desirable process and the second one is inevitable. Seeing how you respond to either is the purpose of life. Choose wisely. Strengthen your faith at every opportunity. Without faith, life has no purpose. Don’t believe me? Imagine a world where you have no faith and no trust in anyone. Not even your spouse, family, or friends (accepting that without faith you would probably have neither of these). What would be the point of such an existence? There was a point in my life when I was very close to that. And it was hell on earth for me. I would never go back to that point. Even if someone points a gun at my head and says, “Deny him or die” or “Convert or die.” I could never give up this faith even to save my own life.

  So my friends, have a little faith. Take the leap. A blind man without faith will walk into a ditch. Using the key of faith, open your heart, and He will make all those ditches smooth for you to pass over unscathed. Once you can do this, your life will have purpose. You will fear death no more. The whole world can be at war, but you will have peace. I’ve lived the alternative and it is not pretty. Love and prayers for all my friends and family whether they’ve taken the leap or not. God be with you.    

Rude Awakening

I will be so glad when that fateful day finally comes. I hope it will be sooner rather than later. The day I speak of is Awakening Day. When that time comes there will be a new division in our calendars. No longer will A.D. stand for “Anno Domini” or the Year of the Lord.  So many people are asleep or under strong delusion. I often get frustrated talking to them. You cannot wake them up no matter what truths or great secrets you reveal to them. They simply shake their heads and smile as though they have pity for you because you can’t be asleep like they are. They rejoin the herd and laugh at you behind your back. Baaa, baaa, baaa! They bleat, then they go back to their eating and sleeping, oblivious once again.

  They say ignorance is bliss. Maybe it is – I guess. But I’ve never experienced a day of that particular kind of bliss. My inquisitive mind forbids such joy. Don’t get me wrong here. I make no claim to higher intelligence by saying so. I’m not the smartest guy around by no means. Never have been. But my mind is kind of like when you have a sore and you can’t stop picking at the scab even if you make it bleed again. Once I’m aware of a problem or a mystery, I can’t let it go and just forget about it. Some people can. When I get frustrated because there are no good answers, I sometimes get jealous of those kinds of people. I’ve always been open-minded and awake to the possibilities.

  My father had an innate intelligence that he passed on to all of his children. But it was my mother who opened my mind one rainy day a long time ago when I was bored having to stay in the house. She handed me a sci-fi book and said, “Here, read this and you won’t be so bored.” Read a book? I didn’t like reading books at school. Why would I want to read one on purpose at home? I’ve heard it claimed that LSD expands your mind. That first sci-fi paperback book was my LSD and one of the reasons I was able to grow up during the ‘60’s and 70’s without ever having a desire to experiment with mind-altering drugs. My mind was forever altered that fateful rainy day to the point I was never even tempted to try anything else.

  Since then, my appetite for the otherworldly, bizarre, paranormal, outrageous ideas, or theories has never been appeased. Sci-fi is a very good teacher. I don’t mean that pure fantasy stuff that shares the shelves with sci-fi at the bookstore. Although that too can broaden your perspective if it’s really good fantasy like The Lord of the Rings. These days, you see a lot of military sci-fi on those shelves as well. That can be fun, but I just can’t except that every alien race we run into will want to exterminate us. Real sci-fi is full of possibilities and eye opening imaginings. Chief among those is that the really, really, different, physiologically speaking, can just be people too. Bigotry has no place in sci-fi.

  So with a steady diet of amazing ideas and possibilities poured into my little pea brain over the last 60 years it is no wonder that I have always been open-minded, to say the least. Add to that my stubborn streak that won’t let me leave a trail once I’ve picked up a scent, and you get a very eclectic brain chocked full of all kinds of interesting tidbits. Now sci-fi is the teacher who took me by the hand and said, “what if?” But I didn’t stop there. I read everything I could get my hands on about cosmology, science, religion, philosophy, etc. trying to find the answers to those big “what if?” type questions. I picked at those big questions until I made them bleed. And that was before the internet showed up. Now online, I can follow rabbit trails until I almost drown in the possibilities. But what I’ve come to understand is that I’ve only scratched the surface so far of what’s really out there. The overwhelming conclusion I came to a long time ago is that there is so much more to “reality” than I could ever imagine or dream of. And I can imagine some pretty strange stuff for sure. Reality is even more strange and wonderful than even my two heroes, Robert Heinlein or Isaac Asimov could dream of.

  I have also become aware that there is a tremendous amount of info about what’s out there that our own governments are hiding from us. I know what a lot of it is through my persistent digging. Much of this info would be shocking, even paradigm shifting, to a lot of folks who are, at the moment, oblivious. The sheep could not handle it at all. Our governments have been using a tactic to ridicule anyone who comes forward with this information for years. They’ve put partial truth’s out there in plain sight in movies, TV, and magazine articles. When someone says I’ve seen this or I believe that, then they just point to said movie or article and suggest the person has been influenced by pure fiction they’ve seen previously and is sadly mistaken. Now, however, the cat is about to escape from the bag, as it were. So to ease the shock, they are publishing more and more of the truth. They do this in the hope that we won’t totally freak out when the truth is no longer deniable because we’ve been exposed to a lot of it in movies and such. That’s their hope anyway. I’m here to tell you that most of you will freak the hell out!

  I won’t be the one sitting here telling you I told you so. I’m the one who can’t wait to get out there and get at the truth. So as soon as our government does have to own up to what they know and have been hiding from us, I’m off to explore new worlds and new kinds of people. My mind will have been well prepared for it. I sincerely hope that when that very Rude Awakening does come, you will be ready for it too. I’m afraid, however, that many will stuff their fingers in their ears and squeeze their eyes tightly shut rather than face up to the fact that we are not alone and never have been. And don’t worry…God is still in charge. But he has a much, much bigger ocean for you to swim in than the little, tiny fish bowl you’re accustomed to. I pray that, instead of a Rude one, it will be a Happy Awakening Day for you all.  

World of Destiny: Apocalypse Now This day was inevitable. I...

World of Destiny: Apocalypse Now  This day was inevitable. I...: Apocalypse Now   This day was inevitable. It was prophesized. Even psychics like Nostradamus and Edgar Casey predicted ...

Apocalypse Now

  This day was inevitable. It was prophesized. Even psychics like Nostradamus and Edgar Casey predicted it. So why are we surprised that it is finally here? Almost everyone can sense that it is near. The headlines and internet are screaming it constantly like Chicken Little proclaiming that the sky is falling, the sky is falling. We’ve heard it so much that frankly we’ve become desensitized to it. Yeah, yeah, Chicken Little, we heard you the first time. And we merrily go about our business, we watch Walking Dead on TV like its survival training, we worry about the latest Kardashian fiasco like it’s somehow more important, and we madly text in our votes so the “right” person will win American Idol. No one has time for the end of the world. We’re all too busy with other things.

  From what I’ve seen lately, there are four kinds of people, or should I say, people have four different ways of dealing with the apocalypse. There are those whose address will always be in Egypt somewhere in the great state of DeNile aka denial. It’s a place they moved into a long time ago and are never coming back. It’s kind of like Never-Never Land actually. They feel safe there so that’s it for them. They don’t even want to talk about it and will shut up their ears with their fingers if pressed.

  Then there are those that are sure that the end is coming someday. Just not anytime soon. At least not while they are still alive because that would be an awful inconvenience to them and their agenda. Thirdly, are the ones who think it is very close, but they don’t have to worry about it either because they are going to get whooshed out of here before it all goes bad in what they call the Rapture. The way I see it, you have to be pretty arrogant to think that you deserve such special treatment when so many have been severely persecuted for their faith and been martyred because of it. There are many even today who are being persecuted and made to suffer severely or beheaded for their beliefs. Where is their Rapture? Where was the rapture of the saints being fed to the lions or hung on posts and burned alive to light Nero’s garden? Or what of the many thousands who were crucified? Are we better Christians than they were so we shouldn’t have to suffer as they did? I’m sorry but I just don’t buy it.

  Lastly, there are those who believe the end is near and embrace it open armed. Let it come. The world will be cleansed of all evil and life will be so much better after the apocalypse. I’m not sure that I fall into this category or not. I’m one that just sighs and says, “Oh, well, whatever may be will be. I’m ready for anything.” There is a subset of this group that not only welcomes the apocalypse but is actively trying to make it happen. Those scare me a little. I’ve always been a little leery of self-fulfilling prophecies. These are prophecies that someone makes and then they or someone else causes the prophecy to come true. The original author of the prophecy can then point to it and say, “See, I predicted it, and I was right all along.”

  Let me, for a moment, put on my prophet hat and make a few predictions of my own. I must say that God has not whispered in my ear and foretold just how things are going to happen and asked me to share that knowledge with you. Most of what I’m saying comes instead from clues on the nightly news and the internet. So take it with a grain of salt. First very soon now there’s going to be a near total collapse of our economic system. If you want to see how bad that can be, just watch the news about Venezuela or Brazil. It will be bad. It’s already happening in those countries and it will spread. Our banks are bankrupt and have been for some time now. The only thing keeping their doors open is the government borrowing money from the fed at a prodigious rate and giving it to them. We have no stockpile of gold left as a safety net. China owns a great deal of what used to be ours to the point where we now have to pay them, on our debt to them, with real estate in this country. They own most of the ports now and toll bridges and roads across the country. When you pay a toll, China gets the money. Fort Knox is empty folks and has been for a while.

  The way we got out of depression the last couple of times was a World War. I’m not so sure this is going to happen to the extent it did before. The U.S. is trying desperately to provoke a war with Russia. But so far, Putin has not taken the bait. He’s smart enough to know what’s going on and what’s at stake. Will the U.S., then, take the initiative and commit a first strike against them? Hard to say. I have my doubts because we want to maintain the illusion that we are the good guys trying to right the wrongs in the world. In fact, most of those wrongs were caused by us and our meddling. Americans don’t want to hear that, but it is the truth. Of course, there is always the tried and true False Flag operation to get things going. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this happen---again. 9/11 was such a false flag operation.

  But the Bible does say there will be wars and rumors of wars. But it cautions, “Fear not, for the end is not yet.” I think that, if Putin really wanted a war with the U.S., he would strike now. Not at our troops that have his country almost completely surrounded. We are spread too thin and have left the homeland pretty much wide open. Over the top of the world through our northern border or into Alaska and it would pretty much be up to our civilian militias to defend us. I just don’t think the time is right yet for the biggie i.e. Armageddon. When it does come, you better be ready. This time, it will be like in the civil war…in your towns and streets. And it won’t be pretty.

  Right now, as I write this, the governments of Germany, The Czech Republic, and Norway are recommending that everyone prepare to shelter at home and have at least 3 weeks of food and water stored up. Obama has said as much as well, although if you take his advice, I wouldn’t advertise it. He has already reserved the right to confiscate anything you do store up.

  Now the big one. Do I think the Lord is coming back soon? I almost think it’s unavoidable at this point. Either it’s when and how He had it planned all along, or we’re going to force His hand.

  So, with all that said, what do we do about the apocalypse? Well, folks whether by Devine intervention or man-made disasters, it is upon us. I’m of course solidly in the Devine intervention camp because at least for me, being a Christian, there is a happy ending. On the other hand, if the apocalypse is totally man-made, then there is not much chance of getting out of it alive. If you did, survival would be such a nightmare that only a crazed Mad Max type would want to go through all that.

  My advice to you, in light of all this, is to get right with God. Don’t think to wait until the train is leaving the station. The door might get slammed in your face. After all, He said He was coming like a thief in the night. For those of you who believe everything the government tells you, at least prepare for the worst. Store provisions and get yourself in shape to do battle. You will be called upon to defend yourself and your family. Take some of your money out of the bank and hide it at home---under a mattress, if you don’t have a safe. Once the system starts to collapse, you won’t be allowed to do that. If you have already invested in gold or silver, then you are ahead of the rest of us. Good luck trying to spend that anywhere that still has food to sell, though. And that’s happening soon my friends, sorry to say. For those of you still honorary citizens of Egypt…well just go about your merry way and don’t worry about a thing.    

The Right To Die

  I recently went to a movie with my lady friend and saw Me Before You. It’s a thoroughly enjoyable Hallmark (up to a point) type movie. The main character Lou (Louisa) is very eclectic in her personal style and completely charming in her outlook on life. So much so, that she eventually charms even the wheelchair bound, moribund man, Will Traynor, she has been hired to attend to. Will is completely paralyzed from the neck down due to a road accident. He has made up his mind to die and had given up on life altogether. In comes Lou and, for a time, Will’s gloomy outlook is abated. But only for a time. Will, you see, has promised his parents to stick around for six months only, then he will end his own life. In spite of his newfound love for all things Lou, Will carries out his original plan.

  Of course, assisted suicide is not legal in England, so Will must travel to Switzerland to end it all. Until I saw this movie, I wasn’t aware that assisted suicide was legal in any country. After the movie, I looked it up and discovered that it is indeed legal in Switzerland, The Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, as well as in Quebec, Canada, and in the U.S. states of Oregon, Washington, Vermont, California, Montana, and New Mexico…so far. I know this subject has been debated for years engendering strong feelings on both sides of the argument. I must admit that I have very mixed emotions about this topic and am not sure which side I come down on.

  I know that religion has taught us that suicide is self-murder and therefore a sin. I’ve even heard it said that if you did such a thing, you would go straight to hell. I’m not one of those. For one thing, we are told not to judge. Such things fall into the domain of God’s will and not ours. We are also taught that there is only one unforgivable sin, and this is not it. So who knows? I guess it would depend on where you’re at with your relationship with God. But two different times, I’ve been at the bedside of two women that I loved dearly and held their hands until they took their last breath. Both women were very spiritual, and both would have gladly taken the option of assisted suicide if it had been available to them given the amount of suffering they had to endure during the last days and weeks of their lives. The question is what would I do if I were in a similar situation?

  The older I get, the more I wonder about that. I’ve visited a nursing home several times recently. Sometimes I think that anything would be better than the kind of miserable existence I see some of those unfortunate folks having to tolerate. Of course, some of them are so out of it that they are pretty much unaware of their surroundings and even who they are anymore. So sad to witness, and scary to think that I might end up that way someday. Faced with such a prospect, I’m not so sure that I could completely rule out assisted suicide. Of course currently, such an option is only available, here in the U.S., for those in their right mind who have been given less than six months to live. In the movie, Will was under no such diagnosis. In the other countries listed above, voluntary euthanasia is permitted as long as you are competent to make such a decision for yourself. My wife that died from pulmonary fibrosis and my wife that died from pancreatic cancer were both given less than six months to live. I know for a fact, that given the option, they would have taken it.

  If I were in Will’s predicament, I think I would have stuck it out a little longer. My father was wheelchair-bound for the last four years of his life, and I’m pretty sure he too would have ended it sooner if he could have. If I found myself suffering the way my loved ones did, I’m not so sure I could resist the urge to end it all given the option. My greatest fear is that I too will be faced with such painful things to consider and to endure someday in the not so distant future. My greatest nightmare is that I will be shoved into a nursing home and neglected for years until I finally die completely unaware.  I find it a complete irony that life can be too short and too long at the same time.

  Given what I’ve had to witness in my life, is it wrong for me to pray to God to either take me first or take us all and soon? I don’t know if I have it in me to sit and watch even one more of my loved one’s last moments. They say that time heals all wounds. And that God fills any void in your soul. Jesus has been my comfort and motivator to keep me going forward for sure. But I can tell you from experience that grief is a great pit at the bottom of my soul that threatens at any given moment to suck me into its abysmal darkness. Therefore, I so look forward to the joy of the next life. For the joy has pretty much gone out of this one. At least for now, Texas doesn’t have a law legalizing assisted suicide. So, no matter what, I will have to suffer on. And I promise to do so with a smile on my face…at least most of the time.