Losing Someone You Love

(The Story of Me and Linda)

 Losing someone you love is never easy. And it’s one of the things that don’t get easier with practice. Eight years ago, I lost someone I loved dearly. That loss was not unexpected. I entered the relationship already knowing that she had health problems that would take her from me someday. We resolved to live one day at a time and quit dreading that fateful day. We lived. We loved. We truly enjoyed the five years we were blessed with. And then she was gone. I miss her still. I grieved even though I knew she was now in a better place, and her suffering was finally over.

  Then a miraculous thing happened. I started dating my ex-wife whom I had been divorced from for 26 years. When I started dating her, I told everyone at work that the bad news was - she had two kids. The good news was – they were mine! Linda Babineaux was a changed woman from Linda Landry. But I loved them both. We quickly fell back into love, and I proposed to her on Christmas Eve just like the first time. We were married for the second time on May 1^st 2007. My biggest regret in life will always be that we didn’t get to spend more time together.

  Linda and I met the first time “making the drag” on a Sunday afternoon. My best friend and I were sitting at Burger King in his car and Linda and her best friend drove up in Linda’s Volkswagon Bug. They invited us to go for a ride down the drag. I remember thinking that both girls were hot. But we only made one loop around the drag, and then they dropped us off at Burger King. Linda always said that she told her friend as soon as she saw me that I was the one…the one she would marry and be the father of her children. Why she would pick me was always amazing to me. I was somewhat of a geeky, shy, pimply-faced kid. So why me? She was drop-dead gorgeous in my book. The next Sunday my friend and I were returning from a day at the beach surfing when he suggested we make one run down the drag. I argued against it because I was hoping we would spot a certain Volkswagon Bug again, and I wanted to look my best. Not be all covered in sand with wind-blown hair. We did spot them and went for a quick spin around the drag together. Then my friend and I went home and cleaned up and returned to Gulfway drive. My friend was looking for anyone but Linda and her friend. He didn’t particularly like them much…especially Linda’s friend. But I was only looking for Volkswagons. We found them again and invited them to ride with us. Both Linda and her friend got in the back seat with me. I had changed into some corduroy pants and my best shirt for the occasion. Linda’s friend said, “Look, he’s wearing grovies!” They both were rubbing my legs feeling the grovies. I was getting extremely uncomfortable, and I noticed Linda giving her friend the evil eye. They asked us if we went to the beach a lot, and we told them that we went just about every Sunday to surf. They said we should take them with us next time. Then we dropped them off at Linda’s car. I was excited. I told my friend that we should call them and take them on a date to the beach. He said no way he was taking Linda’s friend anywhere. He didn’t like her. I said it was not a problem. I would take her, and he could take Linda. He still didn’t like the idea, but I was able to convince him to make the call. I was too shy to make it myself. He called them on Monday night. The next day at school, he told me that he called but that Linda wanted to be my date. So he said the deal was off. He wasn’t about to take her friend. I didn’t really have a preference at this point. I was excited to go out with either of them. So I begged and called in favors until he finally agreed.

  Our first date at the beach found me and my friend out on our surfboards while Linda and her friend walked along the beach. Soon they were being followed by several guys who were obviously flirting with them. I said the heck with that and abandoned my board. I spent the rest of the morning with the girls while my friend stubbornly stayed out in the water. For lunch Linda had packed a big picnic basket. But it was so windy that we had to eat in the car. I had to go make my friend come in and eat with us. Linda and I sat in the back seat sharing our food. I ate quietly. I was shy after all. Linda made a couple of attempts at conversation, but wasn’t having much luck. Finally she started peeling a banana and, when I looked at her, she smashed it in my face. I calmly wiped it off and asked her why she did that. She said, “Is that it? That’s all you have to say?” At this point, I wasn’t sure what to think about this girl. She was beautiful, and she definitely seemed interested in me. But I didn’t know what to think about her. She was a little intense and intimidating to say the least. The rest of the afternoon, I spent in the company of both girls while my friend surfed. Linda and her friend collected those tiny little clams and put them in a Dixie cup. They put the cup full of clams behind the back seat and forgot about them. When we left the beach, I was driving with Linda in the front and our friends in the back. Everyone was quiet. Then Linda began screaming to stop the car and trying to open the door. I thought she had gotten car sick, so I slammed on the brakes. She was out of the car almost before I had come to a complete stop. Then she went tearing across a field like a mad woman picking wildflowers. When I slammed on the brakes the cup of clams went flying and landed on Linda’s friend. Most of them went down her bikini top. She screamed and told my friend to get them out. She pulled her top away with both hands and said, “Get them out!” My friend said, “But, uh…” Then she said, “I don’t care. Just get them out!” I didn’t see what happened next. I was busy watching a crazy flower girl run across a field. And I knew at that moment that I loved her and that she would be mine forever.

  Our two best friends got married before we did and are still married to this day. They were the Best Man and Maid of Honor at mine and Linda’s first wedding. I was happy being married. And our two wonderful children gave me so much pride and joy that I sometimes wondered what I had done to deserve so much happiness. After twelve years, it all came crashing down. Without the love of my life, I was totally lost. I drank and entered one doomed relationship after another. I became very self-destructive. I wandered through the next twenty years with this big empty hole deep in my soul. I kept it hid from everyone, but even during this time I still loved Linda. I was still extremely attracted to her every time I saw her. Sometimes I hated myself for that. But it was something I could never shake.

  Linda and I got married the second time in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. She was every bit as beautiful then as she was the first time. The hole in my soul was finally gone, and our beautiful family was again united as it was meant to be. Linda was taken from us only a few days after our sixth anniversary and the day after Mother’s Day. We will always miss her. My soul will never be whole again as long as I live. 

    How can I describe a woman that was such an important part of my life? How can anyone understand what she has meant to me?  She was beautiful. She was funny. She made life fun. She was totally unpredictable. Sometimes she was crazy as hell. But I’ve always liked that about her. She pushed me to my limits. She brought me out of my shell. She taught me to love with all my heart and soul. I will always be grateful for that. And I will miss her until the day I die.

  Losing not one, but two women that I loved so dearly is not something that will be easy to bear. There is not enough time in the world to heal these wounds. After such as this, how do you go on with your day to day life? Like a blind man in a room with no walls, I will stumble through what’s left of my life. But I will cherish them. I will miss them. I will be grateful for what they taught me. I will rejoice in my children and grandchildren. But my soul will always yearn for the one that made it whole. I will yearn for the time when Linda and I can be rejoined and be as one again. For that is how it was meant to be.