Getting Through It

  Robert Frost once said that, “The best way out is always through.” But what if Lonely comes to visit, and then overstays his welcome? And worse, invites his friends Despair, Depression, and Sadness to pile on.  How do you get through that? I’m at a point in my life where I find that I’m facing it alone. And I’ve never been one to do alone very well. Oh, I was very much the loner when I was young. But that was mostly because I was so shy I had a hard time making friends. I outgrew the shyness in time. I still never had a lot of friends, but my significant other always became my best friend. When that becomes the habit of your life, it’s a hard one to break. It would have been nice to have had the same best friend for my entire life. I mean that’s the way it is supposed to be right? That’s the way it is in fairy tales and movies. And when we see a couple celebrating fifty years of marriage or more, we all are happy for them and want the same thing. At least most of us do. At least I always did. But it didn’t work out like that for me. I was married four times (albeit to only three different women) and had some pretty significant relationships in between. When one of those ended I grieved, but I didn’t panic. Because deep down I knew that another relationship was just around the corner. All I had to do was like Mr. Frost suggested - walk through the grief, and then turn that corner.

  But this time it’s different. My best friend is gone. I’m doing my best to work through the grief. But I see no corner to turn. So what do I do now? That’s not a rhetorical question my friends. I really do need answers. See that little comment thingy down at the bottom of this article. I really do expect it to light up with your brilliance, because I’m in the dark over here. And if there’s a way through this I must be missing it. And yes I know that I’m not truly alone. I know that the Lord is with me and that I’m never truly alone. And that is a comfort. But yet there is still this empty feeling inside that won’t go away. I know that I now have two of my very best friends on the other side watching over me and waiting for me. My soul can’t wait to fly to them. But in the meantime, I’m dealing with the here and now. I don’t foresee a new woman coming into my life and becoming my new best friend forever. I’m really very afraid of that, because I fear the risk of having to go through all this again. I never thought I would outlive anyone. Yet here I am.

  So I spend my days with trivial things and menial chores. But each day quickly becomes like the previous one. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not asking for pity or sympathy here. I’m asking for solutions to getting rid of my uninvited guests. I’m asking for ideas on how to get through something that doesn’t seem to have an “other side” to head towards. If any of you experienced the same thing I’m going through, please tell me how you got through it. I know it’s a process and sometimes it takes time. But I don’t seem to be moving through anything here. I’m at a standstill. And I know that just sitting down and waiting for the end to come is not what I want to do. So I don’t want to become any more acquainted with those uninvited guests I mentioned than I already am. And I don’t want to stay where I’m at in life. So what’s next? Where do I go from here? I will pray and have been praying about it. Maybe my answer will come through one of you guys. And that would be just as awesome as if God came and told me what to do in person.

  While I’m waiting to hear from you, I would remind you that if you have a significant other in your life never take that for granted. Cherish every moment you get to spend with your best friend forever. Because sometimes forever is not as long as you might think. 

The Meaning of Life

  Sometimes, as we grow older, we tend to become a little more philosophical. We start to look at the bigger picture and ask ourselves those really hard questions. Questions like: Is there a God? How did we get here? Are we alone in the Universe? And what exactly is the meaning of Life? Well I guess I’ve always been a little more inquisitive than most. I’ve asked myself these questions basically all my life. However, now that I am so much older, these questions do weigh more heavily on my mind. And I’ve spent a lot of time and effort trying to figure out some answers. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far. Is there a God? Yes. And if you ask how I know this to be true, the answer is I don’t.  I simply chose to believe this because I don’t like the alternative. How did we get here? Again we’re dealing with my beliefs here because science and its theory of evolution have not convinced me otherwise. I believe that God created the system we find ourselves in, and then breathed life into it. Did He/She/It (or IAM – if you prefer) create man out of dust like the Bible says? Maybe not. Did man and life in general evolve from inanimate matter into living organisms strictly as some kind of cosmic accident? I think definitely not. Are we alone in the universe? Don’t be ridiculous. And does the I AM care more about one part of his creation than another – again don’t be ridiculous.

  So with the above given mindset, let’s get on with the biggy. What is the meaning of life? And as a precursor: does life have to have a meaning?  You know this morning I sat outside on my deck watching a very contented cat playing in the yard chasing and pouncing on leaves. My cat doesn’t worry about anything but her next meal, playing, sleeping, and practicing her hunting skills. She was a very good caring mother for the one litter of kittens I allowed her to have. But does her life have meaning beyond that? Scientists would say that her kind fills an evolutionary niche and that her life has no validity beyond that. I’m not so sure about that. They say the same thing about us by the way. I would argue all day about that one. And if those arguments I would make are valid for me, I would think they would also be valid for my cat and any other life form as far as that goes.

  But let’s limit ourselves to human life at the moment – we tend to be a little egocentric that way anyhow. What exactly is our purpose for being? Most of us spend at least four fifths of our life working at some job or another. Were we born to be carpenters, welders, bankers, teachers, lawyers, doctors, politicians, etc.? And is the sole point of these pursuits to garner for ourselves the basic necessities of life like food, shelter, and procreation? We certainly spend an inordinate amount of our time worrying about those things. But most of us go way beyond securing the basic necessities.  In the good old USA, we are also driven by rampant materialism to procure the so called “American Dream”.  To Wall Street and corporate America, it would seem that our only purpose is to accumulate stuff. But why? Why do we need so much stuff? We can’t take it with us when we die. Most of the time, our kids have accumulated their own stuff and don’t really need ours piled on top after we’re gone.

  So I’m more and more convinced that we are the victims of a gigantic scheme to keep us continuously in bondage chained to the grind stone like beasts of burden – dumbed down and thoughtless about our real purpose for being here. Those who have engineered this grand scheme have always profited greatly from the fruits of our labor. But just like the rest of us, they can’t take those profits with them. But they don’t seem to worry so much about that. Their only concern seems to be the same as King Midas - how big the pile of gold in front of them is. They have determined that to achieve their goal of always amassing great piles of wealth for its own sake their best bet is to keep society materialistic, atheistic, and to this end ensure that they remain thoughtless automatons.  So is this the meaning of life? Is it your conscious desire to be a thoughtless automaton in the big machine of industrial society? If so, then welcome to your dreary life. Is this your only purpose for being here? And if so, what exactly is the point? Why do we bother? Why would/should we? If such a society would go down in flames tomorrow, what would it matter? The Universe would go on without blinking an eye. No one or nothing would care. The whole thing would have been one gigantic waste of time. Sooner or later that will come to pass for each of us and all of humanity. If I truly believed that this was the only purpose for me being here, I would end it now. Accumulating stuff has never been all that important to me and not what life is or should be all about. To my mind, the only thing really worth having, and the one thing you can take with you, is love. Can you love if your mind is filled with the want and pursuit of material things? Can you love if your mind is filled with hate and jealousy?

  So my answer to the question of what is our purpose or the meaning of life would be love. To love others, love life, love the one who gave us life. Most of us already love ourselves when we get here. That is no big accomplishment. But to learn to love other than ourselves seems to me to be the whole reason why we’re here. To love unconditionally is no easy thing. It’s something that many of us sadly never achieve. But it is the one thing that makes all the rest of it worthwhile. So before it’s too late, maybe you should take a little time to examine your own life. Is way too much of it spent on worrying about stuff? Is your heart filled with want, or is it overflowing with love? It’s a simple question and seemingly a simple answer. It’s what Jesus was said to have harped on. A heart filled with love is less likely to go astray. One filled with want is more likely to commit sins against his/her fellow man. Therefore, maybe the ultimate purpose for life really is as simple as you’re here to make a choice. So what’s it going to be? Will you choose love and a righteous path? Or will you choose never ending materialism scratching and clawing your way to more and more stuff?  No matter how old you are, you still have time to make the choice.