Staring at a Blank Piece of Paper

  I haven’t written anything in a while. This makes me nervous. I get an uneasy feeling like I am neglecting something. It’s a feeling that I should be doing something important instead of goofing off all day. But there is no one standing over me with a whip. No one telling me I have to do it. I don’t punch a clock or answer to a boss anymore. It’s not like I will or won’t get paid if I don’t write something. So far my writing hasn't brought me fame or fortune. So why do I bother? And why won’t this nagging feeling go away? Somehow, I do feel like I’m letting someone down. I know some of you guys take the time to read what I post on my blogs. And even a few of you have actually taken the time to read my books. I’m grateful for that. And I guess part of it is that I feel like I’m letting you down when I don’t write something. But it’s more than that. A big part of it is that I feel like I’m letting myself down. I feel like writing is my gift or God given talent that I’m squandering by not doing more with it. I guess that’s the worse part, and the bit that nags at me.

  My brother is an artist. He is in fact a very talented artist. But he spends more of his time painting signs rather than putting something brilliant on a piece of canvas. Of course I realize that he has to pay the bills and that his art, like my writing, hasn't done that for him. But there were times when I thought to myself that he was squandering such a tremendous gift and talent and, in fact, I have been guilty of telling others that my brother was wasting his talent. Part of that I guess is that I am envious of his gift. If it was something he inherited, those genes certainly skipped over me to get to him. I can’t draw a stick man that even looks like a decent stick man. But I can’t point fingers at him without realizing that I've been given a gift as well and haven’t done a whole heck of a lot with it either. There are all kinds of excuses I could make for this. But they would just be hollow excuses. All those years I let my gift sit on the shelf, as it were, and gather dust. Now it’s almost too late to do anything with it. After all, the human brain runs on borrowed time. My brain is not as nimble and flexible as it once was. And it gets worse all the time. Invention, writing, painting, music, sculpting, intuitive leaps in science are mostly a young man’s game (and by man I mean it in the general sense including both men and women in the term).

   So if it is too late for me, why do I still have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind? Is there something important there wanting to get out? Is there something that at least one of you really needs to see in writing to reaffirm or justify you in some way? Perhaps. Am I being grandiose by even thinking such things? Does God work wonders through me? Am I just an instrument whose strings are waiting for the right moment and player to be plucked in just such a way as to render music such as has never been heard before? I don’t know the answer to that. Where does imagination come from? Where does inspiration come from? I don’t’ know the answers to those either.  But I do know that you can paint just as brilliant a picture with words as you can with brushes and pigments. If you look at the two book covers above, you will see paintings that were lifted from the pages of my book and splashed upon a canvas. I thought my brother did a marvelous job of capturing my words and giving them color.

  But alas, he and I are getting on in years. And if you asked either of us why we didn't do more with our gifts, I’m sure you would get the same answer from us both. Life happened. We were busy with the details and didn't take the time out to see the bigger picture. Is it too late to change that? I hope not. I finally have the time and not a lot of life going on that requires so much of me.

  Now we come to my point. Yeah, you knew there had to be one, right? What gifts have you been given? And what have you done with them? Is your gift laying fallow waiting for some far off spring before it can sprout and come to fruition? Have you put it on a shelf promising yourself that you will make time for it “someday”?  And don’t tell me you weren't given a gift. We all have something that we’re good at. Something that we do just a little better than everything else we put our hands to. There is always something that gives us joy when we do take the time to indulge in it. Can you sing? Can you play music? Can you dance? Can you show compassion for others? Can you heal them when they are sick? Can you create characters on a stage that mirror us all and teach us lessons? Can you fight…yes there is a time for everything in its season. Can you lead or encourage and teach others how to use their gifts? What is your gift? Think about it. And then think about what you've done with it lately? One thing I've learned, unfortunately much too late, is that when we spend time using and developing our gifts it is the time we feel more alive than any other time in our life. If you've done like me, dust off your gift and use it. Don’t wait until it is too late. Don’t let the details of a busy life keep you from it. Find a way to work it in. Trust me, your life will be happier and much more fulfilled if you do. And you won’t be plagued by a nagging feeling that you should have done so much more with what you've been given.