Crying Out in the Darkness

Crying Out In the Darkness

  Tough times come to all of us sooner or later. I don’t wish them on anybody. I’ve been through enough of those in my life, and I’m sure there will be more of them. Is there any way to prepare yourself for them? Not really. The only thing that I have found that makes a difference for me is my faith. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a religious person by most people’s standards. I don’t belong to any church. I’ve attended several in the past and often found comfort at some of them. I freely admit that I went during some of those tough times when my personal life was in shambles, and I was there more for the human companionship than I was for worshiping. You see, I personally feel like I worship just fine no matter where I’m at. I don’t need a church for that. Some people do, I guess, and that’s fine. It’s not a bad thing to draw strength and encouragement from like-minded people.  The last time I went to a church was several years ago. I was not going through one of those tough times for once. I just had moved back to Texas and decided I would find a church here that I might want to attend on a more regular basis. It was one of those non-denomination churches.  I got there a little early, and someone directed me to the Sunday school class that I would be in as a single adult. I was the first one there. So I took a seat and waited. The class filled up and as each person came in, they gave me a quick glance obviously aware that I was a newcomer. But no one said anything to me. The subject that day was forgiveness. A topic I definitely needed some instruction on at that time. The instructor also noticed me, but a quick nod in my direction was about it. After the class we adjourned to the main meeting hall. I sat there in the middle of strangers; most of them were with families and loved ones. I sat in the middle all by my lonesome. I can’t even remember what the sermon was about. But halfway through it, a feeling of such sadness came over me and tears came pouring down my face. It was not a reaction to the sermon at all. It was not over some sadness or cataclysmic event going on in my life – as I said; my life was going okay for a change at that time. The longer I sat there the worse the feeling got. So I finally got up and left. Of course I got some stares and questioning looks on the way out, and it was embarrassing to say the least to leave in the middle of the sermon with tears rolling down my face. I never went back there. I haven’t been to any other church since then either. I’m not saying that all churches would have the same effect on me. But I definitely felt something was sadly missing in that one.

  Tough times came again not too long after that. I started dating a woman I met on the internet. She was an amazing person that I fell for almost immediately. The first time I told her that I was in love with her, she asked me to leave and told me we would talk about that the next time we were together. Not exactly the kind of response I was looking for. On our next date, she informed me that she had been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and didn’t know how much longer she had to live. She told me that she would understand if I got up and walked away ending our relationship. She asked that I think about it long and hard before I said anything else. I didn’t have to think long and hard. I told her that I was already in love with her. I asked her what kind of person would leave someone they loved just because they were not perfectly healthy. I wasn’t that kind of a person. And even if we decided to just be friends from then on, I would always be there for her right up to the end. I would be there holding her hand, no matter what. We were together for five wonderful years and very deeply in love before she passed. I was there holding her hand just like I promised when her time came. She, more than anyone, renewed my faith and gave me the strength I needed to forgive past transgressions and face whatever tough times are still ahead of me. Life goes on. Tough times will no doubt come again. But instead of crying out in the darkness, and blaming God for them, I will always fall back on my faith and the valuable lessons I learned from a beautiful spirit who shared my life for way too short a time. So my friends, if you’re reading this and going through your own tough times and just need someone to be there and hold your hand…Have a little faith and call me. I will be there.