Romance in the Air
Someone once told me that I wasn’t the most romantic guy on
the planet. That’s not exactly Earth shaking news, even to me. I think paying
almost a hundred bucks for flowers is totally ridiculous, even though I’ve done
it a few times before. Besides, I have a
daughter and daughter-in-law that are in the Florists business so it helps them
out. I’ve never spent a bunch of money to take my special someone to a fancy
French Restaurant, and I’ve often forgotten my anniversary. In fact my wife and
I were married for five years (this time around) before we remembered to
celebrate our anniversary at all. Yes, she’s not much better than I am when it
comes to the romantic department. Lucky for me right? To me, being snuggled up
with my Sweetie on the sofa watching TV is just about romantic enough.
Especially if she lets me have control of the remote. So here we go with
Valentine’s Day. I always ask myself the same question every year. I ask, “Self,
who dreamed up this hokum so-called Valentine’s Day thingy anyway? I bet it was
those pansies that work at Hallmark. What you say we go over there and bruise
them up just a little for putting all this extra, and totally unnecessary, pressure
on men the world over. That, and Christmas shopping, is why we men have so many
heart attacks in the first place. Stress, pressure, and the occasional brow
beating we take for our lack of enthusiasm over the whole thing is enough to
cause even the stoutest of hearts to go into cardiac arrest after a while.
So anyway, this
year, I decided that this question was getting tired of being rhetorical, so I
looked it up. Yep, I googled it. Did you know that the Catholic Church
recognizes three different St. Valentines?
All of whom were martyred. Hmm, that’s not too surprising considering.
Gee, I wonder what they did to piss guys off enough to get them killed. One legend contends that Valentine was a
priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II
decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and
families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the
injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for
young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius
ordered that he be put to death. Other stories about this infamous trouble
maker claimed that when imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first
"valentine" greeting himself after he fell in love with a young
girl--possibly his jailor's daughter--who visited him during his confinement.
Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From
your Valentine," an expression that is still in use today. Well it’s too
late to do anything about that guy, but I’m still thinking that those Hallmark
fools need a good beating for taking something so innocent and turning it into
a money making torture machine. Another custom that occurred annually in Roman
times in the middle of February was all the young women in the city would place
their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become
paired for the year with the woman whose name he chose. These matches often
ended in marriage. Why that part of it didn’t catch on, I don’t know. Might
have been a blessing if you were a big, dumb, ugly guy that couldn’t get a
date. Hey, why you looking at me like that?
Anyway, I once took
my special someone’s word as being serious when she said I didn’t need to get
her anything for Valentine’s Day because she wasn’t getting me anything. We
were only dating at the time, so I didn’t know her well enough to know better. When I showed up that evening empty handed…well
let’s just say this is a cautionary tale for all you un-romantic guys out
there. Don’t you do it! You better have at least a card in your hand when you
come in that door or you will live to regret it! Starting immediately. Not one
who likes seeing my loved one in tears after she got through yelling at me like
I was the lowest dog on the planet, I had to think fast. I went back home and
took a small carved wooden box I had and placed four cut out pieces of colored paper in it.
The first piece was a cut out of a person (at least as best as I could draw
one). The second piece was a red heart. The third piece was a picture of a
ghost. And the last was a picture of a pot of gold. I also penned a note and
placed it on top. The note said, “In this box are my most precious possessions.
I’m entrusting them completely to your care from this day forward. The picture
of a man represents my body. The red heart represents my heart and my love
for you. The ghost represents my soul. And I don’t have much money, but what I
have is yours. As long as you cherish this box and its contents all my money, my
heart, my body, and my soul are yours and no others. Happy Valentine’s Day.”
I went from zero to
hero in a matter of a couple of hours. So, guys, if you’re under a lot of
pressure and don’t know what to give your special someone for Valentine’s Day,
you might want to try this. I promise I won’t tell her where you got the idea.
This Valentine is for all the beautiful ladies in my life...if you're a lady and you at least know my name, that qualifies you as a beautiful lady that is in my life, so this heart is for you. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
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