Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts

  When I say I have random thoughts – I mean I really have some very random thoughts all the time. Like just while I was typing this, I was thinking about a story where a writer spends so much of his time writing about life that he forgets to live it. What would happen if he stopped writing one day and went to the fridge for something to eat? And he found a note hanging on it, from his family saying they left him because they were tired of being neglected. And he had to think real hard to even remember his family and couldn’t imagine where they might have gone anyway. So he sits down with a tuna sandwich and turns on the TV, only to see where his whole part of the state has been evacuated. And it goes on and on from there. While I was busy typing the above, another random thought popped into my head. I wondered, what if wormholes are real and one suddenly popped open in my backyard. Would I be brave enough to just jump in and see where it goes? And what if I did? And when I came out on the other end  there was this whole world with nothing but watermelon fields (yeah, I'm a little hungry for fresh watermellon right now) as far as you could see. And when I sat down to eat one of them, I found out that the watermelon farmers where these big giant pig looking creatures with foot-long tusks and they didn’t take too kindly to watermelon poachers. If there was nothing but watermellon fields, where would I run to? Where would I hide? And then I thought about the blue sky outside – yeah that’s really a nice thing to see on the first day of February, especially when the temperature feels more like the first day in April. But I thought what if the color I think of as blue is really not blue at all? What if I’m color blind. What if we all are? What color do flies see the sky as? Are they even aware of the sky? I mean they do some serious buzzing around, but do they ever look up?

  So, as you can see, my mind is all over the place. I just wrote the above without any forethought or planning at all. Just sat down and let it rip with things that came spewing out of my overactive imagination. So when my wife asks me the inevitable question that women like to ask men when they see we’re not paying them the requisite amount of attention, “What were you thinking about just now?” – How am I supposed to answer that? And does she really want to know? I have tried to answer truthfully a couple of times, but she always looks at me like I’ve completely lost my freaking mind. And then she goes on like she didn’t hear, or didn’t want to hear, what I just said. Like if we ignore it, it will just go away like some 800 pound gorilla sitting in the middle of the living room that we both know can’t be there so we will just ignore it, and it will subsequently vanish back into the mist where it came from. Women are better than us at ignoring things they don’t want to think about. Me, I couldn't get the stupid gorilla out of my head. I would be trying to get to know it better and maybe make it my knew best friend. Anyway, nowadays, I try to be prepared. It’s always good to be prepared right? So like most women, she thinks that all men ever really think about is alcohol, sports, or naked women, and not necessarily in that order. I’ve done nothing to dispel that perception from her preconceived notions. It’s sort of a self-defense mechanism of mine. But perhaps it is true of most men. I have no way to tell, though, other than the fact that when I’m in the company of men only, that’s the only thing I hear most of them talking about. But I have to confess that I’m not like most men. So I have to be ready at the drop of the hat with things like, “Nothing Dear, I was just wondering who was going to win the Super Bowl.” Or this one, “Nuttin’ Honey, I was just thinking that a good cold beer would sure taste great about now.” I haven’t come up with a good one about the naked women thing yet. After all, I may be a little scatter-brained, but I’m not stupid. If I went anywhere near that one, I might end up with a beer bottle bashed up against the side of my head and have to watch the Super Bowl on one of those ridiculous little hospital TV’s instead of my glorious HD 65" big screen.

  So, I generally just make it a rule to keep my random thoughts to myself. Or hey, I could splash them all over a blog page somewhere. Fortunately for me, my wife doesn’t get on the internet and read blog pages. But since I am trying to be a writer, you could see how having such a scatter-brain could be a good thing. If you have random thoughts all the time like me, you might want to give it some serious consideration and try to sit down in front of a blank Microsoft Word page and let her rip. Who knows, yours could be the next best seller that everyone is going gaga over? You just never know until you try.