My Favorite Nations

My Favorite Nations

  Besides being a card carrying citizen of the great nation of Imagi. Or Imagi-nation as it’s often referred to, I also have a dual citizenship and am a long standing member of another well-known place called Procrasti. Yep Procrasti-nation is my second home or at least it will be when I finally get around to packing my bags and moving there. I have a strong affinity for its constitution, or would-be constitution if any of its citizens would ever get around to voting on it, and someday, when I get around to it, I plan on building myself a beautiful mansion and taking up permanent residence in that great state. I thought that day would come as soon as I gave up my racial identity and turned in my ID card that had made me an official member of that insidious species mostly known as the Rat Race of which I had belonged since I was about fifteen years old. At age sixty two, I tore up my membership ID abandoning the Rat Race to their own devices and became a member of the elite gentry known as the AAROC or American Association of Retired Old Codgers. We OC’s are an ornery bunch of folks who like to sit around drinking coffee, talk about the weather, and tell each other the peculiar locations of our latest aches and pains. But due to circumstances beyond my control, that privilege has also been postponed to an unforeseeable future day and time when I will at last be free to just put everything off until tomorrow. The biggest majority of citizens who call the Procrasti-nation home are OC’ers. But there are exceptions. For instance I have always had one foot planted firmly on the soil of that unseen place even when I was but a pup. I used to never do homework until the night before it was due even if it had been assigned weeks before. I often missed deadlines and put off paying speeding tickets until I saw my face on wanted posters. So I became an honorary member of that country long ago. Someday I will officially apply for a passport and go there permanently…at least that’s the plan…or that would be the plan if I ever get around to making a plan and actually sticking to it. But, have no fear, I’m already very practiced in the customs of that mystical land. For instance, my inspection tag on my car is expired as of today. I keep meaning to get medical insurance, but I’m waiting to see what Obamacare requires me to get or pay the penalty if it’s cheaper when the time comes…maybe. But anyway, while I’m still sitting here in my Imagi-nation dreaming about the time when I’m finally able to relocate to the Lotus Eating Dream land of Procrasti-nation, I humbly greet you poor members of the overburdened, overpopulated and under-appreciated Rat Race. And, while I’m at it, I also hate to be the bearer of bad news…but there are no real winners of that incessant endeavor. Like me, you just finally sit down and refuse to run anymore. So, while you still have half a mind left, I strongly advise you go ahead and pack your bags and move at least part of your brain into the great and powerful Imagi-nation. I would suggest that you go ahead and apply for a passport while you’re there to the great state of Procrasti-nation as well, but no one who deserves to live there ever quite gets around to relocating anyway.

Just for your edification, here are some of the tenants of the Procrasti-nation’s un-ratified Constitution…

Constitution of Procrasti-nation

We the People resolve to hold the right to:

1

11)      Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.

22)      Never look a deadline in the eye.

33)      Make promises if you have to, but never keep them until you’re forced to by the law or someone bigger and meaner than you are.

44)      Never stick to traditions. For instance, why plant your garden in the Spring when the weather is better in the summer. Better yet, just plant it whenever you feel like it or don’t plant one at all.

55)      Never volunteer for anything. If you do so accidently, conveniently forget to show up at the appointed time.

66)      Watches and Calendars are for sissies.

77)      Appointment books are only to remind you of what you would have done if you had gotten around to actually doing it and serves only to create an illusion that you actually care about something.

88)       Never pass a law that says you have to obey the law. Hang everyone that even tries it and revoke their citizenship immediately, or tomorrow, or whenever you get the chance.

99)      All actions and non-actions require a majority consensus…and since the citizenry have never been known to show up and vote on anything, forget about it.

110)   Never expect your neighbor to put off tomorrow what you can put off today.

111)   And this the first and probably last amendment to the above constitution states clearly that you should not ask your Nation what it cannot do for you. Instead ask yourself what you don’t want to do for yourself, and then don’t.